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The Rising Tide:
Philanthropy & Volunteerism in the LGBT Community
(click for bio & past articles)
Learning to Give
By Jeff Lewy
Giving and philanthropy have to be learned; they don't just come naturally. This seems obvious when we watch very young children whose existence depends on others giving to them, and clearly believe that they are the center of everything.
We can learn it from our family, if they are charitable and take the time to share their experience and motivations. We learn it from people we admire. But mostly we learn it on our own, in small and manageable steps.
There is also a misconception that learning to give or be philanthropic happens as a single big leap, generated by wealthy family members, a huge inheritance, or a successful sale of a big business. But if your family isn't super-wealthy, where we assume giving is taught as a duty, how do you learn it?
Like any learned skill, the habit and expertise of philanthropy develops in practice, through a series of stages. Some of these stages can occur at an early age, when we learn that we have more than others, or are just luckier than others - giving at school to help children affected by Hurricane Katrina, selling Girl Scout cookies, or learning to give at church or synagogue.
As teenagers or adults, we may volunteer our time to help others. Exposure to the difficulties others face can often change our attitudes. Recent stories of previously self-absorbed teenagers spending spring break working in New Orleans are inspiring, as the teenagers learn the joy and satisfactions of helping others, and recognize the shallowness of their previous, self-absorbed ways.
And as adults, we often give when our friends ask us to support them on a breast cancer walk or an AIDS ride, or because someone we know is affected by a terminal disease.
We truly become philanthropic at the point when the external incentive to give becomes internal, and we give because we come to believe it is the right thing to do, or because we feel an obligation to give and share our treasure and our selves.
The amount we give is secondary to our motivation, and may not be related to how much we have. It is well known that people of modest means give more, as a percentage of their income and assets, than wealthier people.
The stages of giving for most people follow this pattern:
1. We give an amount that we can easily afford because someone asked us.
2. We give somewhat more when we are asked because we realize that others need it more than we do.
3. We write a “big check” to a cause that is close to us - our alma mater, the society working to end the disease that killed a close relative. Over time, what we consider a “big check” may increase in size.
4. We write more than one “big check” because we want to improve society, or invest in the future so that it may be better than the present.
5. We plan our giving so we can have a bigger impact on that future.
6. We plan our financial future so we can make bigger gifts.
7. We plan our will so that our assets can continue to have an impact on the future when we are gone and no longer need the money.
Each of us can move from whatever stage we are in to the next one. The only requirement is that we think about why we give and what we hope our giving will accomplish. It may not take much at Stage 1 or Stage 2 to satisfy our motivation, which is to give enough to make our friends happy, or to like us.
It takes more incentive to write a “big check.” “Big” can be a modest amount, say a few hundred dollars, when we do it deliberately, when it is a bit scary to us to give away that much, and when we recognize that we may have to give up something else to make the gift possible.
After writing that first “big check,” we may notice that it was scary, but that it also made us feel really good. The desire to repeat that good feeling is crucial to writing another big check. And we may notice that we survived the scary part, so it isn't so scary the next time.
Then we enjoy the mix of scary and happy, and want to do it some more. That's when we start to plan our giving, and it becomes something we do regularly.
As we do more planning, we realize that we can afford it, and that Uncle Sam encourages us to give by offering tax deductions.
And perhaps, we get to the stage where the opportunity to make a better future drives us to give and encourage others to give. We have now come full circle, from responding to requests from others to asking others to join us!
So, where are you on this path? Are you interested in moving up the ladder, feeling joy in making the world a better place? It's not hard, and you don't have to go immediately to the top of the ladder.
Think about the satisfaction you feel when you give, and think about how to get more satisfaction. Talk to those who ask you to give, and learn about organizations working to improve the world and to create a better future. You may be surprised what you can do to bring that future nearer.
Note from Betty: Below, you will see the bio information about Jody Cole, founder of our column on philanthropy and volunteerism, "The Rising Tide." You'll also find the bio information about our featured columnist, Jeff Lewy, who has taught many of us a thing or two by example and by sharing his words, about what it means to give to others and to one's community. Jeff and Jody both contribute articles to this column from time to time. Our thanks to them and to all in our community who practice "giving back" through their personal philanthropy in whatever form that may be.
Bio & Past Articles
Past Articles
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Betty's List Philanthropy & Volunteerism
Columnist Jody Cole
Jody Cole is a donor and philanthropic activist who was born and raised in Birmingham, AL. She moved to the Bay Area in 1984 and lived in San Francisco for 18 years before moving to her ranch in Mendocino County. She has spent the past 15 years focusing on human rights and animal welfare. She also encourages women, especially lesbians, to become more philanthropic.
Jody has supported non-profit organizations, special projects and LGBT candidates for elected office. Her fundraising experience includes serving as Capital Campaign Co-chair for the San Francisco LGBT Community Center Project, helping raise $15 million dollars to build the Center; Annual Giving class agent for her alma mater, Converse College in Spartanburg, SC; and fundraising leader for the National Center for Lesbian Rights, The Human Rights Campaign, Community United Against Violence, Lesbian Health Research Center at UCSF, and Woman Vision's “All God's Children” project directed by Dee Mosbacher.
She has also raised funds for election campaigns of Assemblywoman Carole Migden; Assemblyman Mark Leno and Hon. Roberta Achtenberg.
Currently, she is the Chair of the Board of Directors for The Pride Alliance Network in Mendocino County. Additional board experience includes Recovering Information Services, Inc. (1994); Resourceful Women (1994-1997); Community United Against Violence (1994-1998), and Community Center Project of San Francisco (1998 – 2002).
Jody has received numerous awards for her community work.
Additionally, she has served in volunteer and advisory capacities with ICON Newsmagazine, Carole Migden, Horizons Foundation, the Lavender Think Tank for the Reelection of Mayor Willie Brown, Pets In Need, and the Marine Mammal Center. She was co-producer of the Hopland Women's Festival from 1994 - 2004, a well-known women's music, comedy and crafts festival in Hopland, California.
In her spare time, she travels to Africa and has begun leading private trips to Sub-Saharan countries for those interested in a safari experience of a lifetime. Her highest achievement to date is successfully summiting Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania (19340') in 1998! She can be contacted at Wild Affair Productions, Ukaih, CA, via e-mail: Wildfair@Aol.com
Contributing Author Bio
 Jeff Lewy has been active for more than three decades in the San Francisco Bay Area LGBT community as a donor, board member and activist for LGBT rights.
He is currently a member of the Board of Horizons Foundation, serving as co-chair for the organization's 25th Anniversary Gala. Horizons is the San Francisco Bay Area's LGBT community foundation. Jeff also serves on the Board of Continuum, a provider of health care for persons with HIV in the Tenderloin. He has previously served on the Boards of the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library and the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus.
Jeff is also actively involved with Lambda Legal, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the Frontline Project of the American Civil Liberties Union, Equality California and other nonprofits and civil rights organizations.
A thought from Jeff: "It is clear to me that the elders of our community are my parents, and the youth of our community are my children. I want to do all I can to see that they have the financial and social backing to be full, happy, productive members of society."
Jeff Lewy can be reached at airbair@aol.com.
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